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Queen's Vanity

#Precision…

For Him

I held him dearest.
He was my ultimate prize, sadly the one I could never secure.
They say love at this blossom is mere obsession.
But I say, it can’t be for obsessions never lasted forever.
But love.
Since quarter of a dozen years, I loved him.
Keeping him aside as a thought meticulously folded, calmed myself fooling for it to be unrealistic.
He was both, my Satan and my Angel
Guiding me to the light and leading me to the dungeon.
He was a drug to which I was addicted.
Maybe, he slowly turned into a mere fragment of imagination. Maybe that’s how I healed, every morning.
Until, the lights of the night shut out.

~Pragya Sachdeva

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The Reason

I wish I could sing you a goodnight song.
To ease your mind from the daily parade.
There never was worthy to be held on for long.
But you were someone I could never evade.
Now the reason is one I can’t begin to explain.
The reason for which I had to desert you on the plane

The night we looked up in the sky full of stars,
We wondered what it would be like to go up that far.
But then I turned my face to drown in your eyes,
To only see the reflection of a man, a monster I despise.
So I filled up my hands with the gravel or sand,
To throw at his face and escape the lonely island.

But did I hurl that piece of earth in my hand, to dismantle his face?
So many nights I wondered, “I must have to buy us the chase.”
As I lifted my hand and aimed  at that man,
You were the one to make me quit, Mccahan.
All my might with which I crashed,
Looking at the deceit inside of me that you had cast.

Oh, you little trickster! You had me trapped.
But only trapped and no scare by the game you had mapped.
You sold me to a maiden of a rich handicapped.
Unlike you, he had a heart allowing me and I dashed.

That night I stole to solely survive.
No glimmer, no glitter only sadness revived.
That same night an angel, walked up to me and smiled.

“Beware sweet soul, for this world won’t let you thrive.”
“But now I don’t care for a silver or a dime.”

“Ask me for one and I’ll grant you a wish.”
“Grant me Mccahan so that I can be the cause of his diminish.”

“Be careful little one, a day comes when everyone pays for their deed.”
“Don’t worry, blessed soul, for even the consequences make me desire to watch him bleed.”

Our paths met again and I bet that you had changed.
You fell for me, for which was something I had always craved.
We checked in to the airport and then boarded the traveller’s crate.
And this time, to shatter you to pieces a little bigger than your lies, was the reason for which I had left you on that plane.

For those of you reading this, may think of me as a swollen heart.
But no, I consisted of rather a revengeful heart.
Not only was he abandoned by his love, but had crashed along with the plane.
The plane crash to which I was warned by the angel in one dream full of pain.

~Pragya Sachdeva

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Life So Called.

In the end, after all the discussion, debates,  controversies, philosophies, to what conclusion do we reach. After infinity, what is life? A question the wise have been trying to answer since forever. Many a time, they were correct but their theories could always be contradicted. So, they weren’t or couldn’t be of much use. They didn’t satisfy the hunger this question starves us with. And why do we inquire ourselves with this question yet everyday. Why do we need to comprehend it to limits, where we’re saturated to even remember where we started. We’re living it everyday. What more could be explained?
And now, I, too, will give a mere try to explain this mayhem.
It’s simple. You wake up and think. You start imagining. The moment those eyes open up and see the first light, without a second wasted, a thought comes up. It could be about anything. But we think those things. That determine what will be the event next. Or perhaps in the long term, the concentration of the fast paced thoughts will create what occurs in our life then. Millions of people, leading different lives, think and work. Each one of them is facing a dissimilar situation that has only been implented by their own thoughts. They go through the day. Everyone, with a time limit of twenty-four hours, continues to breathe and create emotions. Those emotions only a foundation of this ongoing wheel right now. In reality, each and every event is created by us.
Yes, we live with a plenty of people around. But they are only mere milestones in our wheel of worlds. We are on this road alone. Rest is an animation of what we made it to be. Because, even the close and loved ones have only become so by our thoughts. We did things with them, we spent numerous moments together, which gave way to thoughts and then to emotions and then to what we have in our hands today. Each and every thing we feel, see, touch is a product of the thoughts we let on our minds. Which is uncontrollable. Thoughts will flow. All the time. Or the brain is dead. This world is a mechanism of what we made it to be. Hence, the reason, we evoluted.
Right now, when you stop to question your existence, you won’t find the answer. There exists no answer. We don’t know how we got produced. How ARE we to know who made us. Thus, we make believe in God and there, out there, people like us, keep questioning and so many turn into atheists for the same reason. We confuse ourselves, complicating  things. The reason remains the same. Thoughts.
These are just mind patterns. This mind, has abilities so far stretched, you can’t see it even after the horizon. It’s true, everything, every damn thing is a simple possibility. May it be emotional or physical. If we allow ourselves full openness, we can discover what we can do with the same hands and legs we were born with. And it’s magical. But somehow, some corrupted minds sat the foundation of the evolution we’re continuing today. For what is there politics? For want are there terrorists? For what do we what to become successful that means money? What do we achieve? Nothing. This means nothing. It means a lot but to this mind of ours which we have convinced to believe that way. So it does. It follows the commands of the sailor. We gave these insubstantial things the value. The value, again created by us. By our thoughts.
All this again, is a mind game. You really can achieve  anything! If you convince your brain to believe you can. And one of the simplest methods people adopt who have achieved what they wanted was to make pretend. Pretend you already have what you want and in a matter of time you are gifted it by the forces of nature. Again, a very important feature of this world. This brain is the commander and the forces of nature are it’s commander’s followers. They execute the orders implemented by us. Or the thoughts we allowed. We, a matter of existence that supports this mechanism, it’s workings.
And there is so much more! After this life, beyond this universe. In physical entity or of the mind. In both, it exists. It will be discovered some day. And the discoveries made will again would have been put there by the implementation and execution of our thoughts. The reality in the end is, the world operates on thoughts. The body is a medium to operate accordingly. The body, no doubt could change, if the thoughts do. And unimaginable abilities can be carried out if we believed. See through closed eyes? Walk parallel the force of gravity? Fly without wings? Or grow wings? All is possible. In real sense and not just metamorphically. Life is this. The now. What we create each second. How we operate. The everyday. The single day in it’s counting. But the mechanism is complex and complications is what we beings don’t prefer, so we made this world the way it is. With small yet utterless and meaningless entities to satisfy and keep our brain so powerful occupied and die without even realizing it’s full potention, because maybe we’re afraid of the many possibilities and utterances. In the end, we fool our minds to think happiness is the ultimate salvation and it’s many variants. There is no such thing. Only a creation of the thoughts. It’s a process of fluids inside our body, again. Hormones, endorphins and what all consists in the dictionary of a subject we created named biology. And how rhetorical that sounds with the mentioning of it. This life is a game. Without rules and only extremities. And this is not the end. This life what we think it to be is not just it. We don’t get born and die and the end. No. The end is not there. Everything does come to an end. But is followed by something anew. So it never really ends. What we don’t know is what lies after our such perceived deaths. The universe is beyond our imagination. Then we come to a point where finally out thoughts take a break. Then is a world we have not been made aware of. So we don’t decide. But death is not an end of this dubiety. We’ll keep moving on. One can say, this life is a vacation from the real world or maybe a dream so long we don’t remember the real thing. Because who knows? This could all be a product of our humour. It is a creation of our thought, now could it be a dream too, that is also a creation of our thoughts again. Are we living in a dream? Out if which we only come out once we die. Was all this a big joke? The answers just don’t exist.

~Pragya Sachdeva

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In Search Of Inspiration

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Stargazing betwixt the night, somewhere vers the stars, I searched for inspiration but couldn’t find any. Nothing was turning me on lately. The willingness in me to do something had run out of gas. Like an old, useless sack lying on the couch all day, all night was how I had started picturing myself. Aspirations I had so many but no energy to work towards them.

So, there I was focusing on that single star which I presumed to be modifying its position. With more concentration I was sure of it. Curiosity forcing me to and I brought up a telescope to examine what I could. That tingling feeling I was having procrastinating myself, like I had just discovered something brilliant. But . . . no! It couldn’t have been. There was something up in the wild blue yonder but I blamed my telescope for having faults. Little did I know, I wasn’t the only one inspecting something.

Maybe, was it an intuition? I don’t know, but it felt like what I was considering a self-moving star was gawking at me, or shall I say, right through me. Was there something behind me? That couldn’t have been! Everyone was asleep. So, following the incline gaze, I reached to the bottom end. Then there was no descending further. Gathering few equipment after, I commenced digging up what I was counting on to be mystery. How bizarre! Midnight digging! But contradicting the fact of me building a cavity in the earth were the butterflies tickling my nerves of the suspense that lied beneath the crust. Voila! I thought. Standing before conceivably wings, wings of a . . I hadn’t discovered that yet. My attempt to touch them

made them sparkle. Donc, perhaps a reality check would disencumber the perplexity that was concocted in my head ­­- At the lifeline of a monotonous cycle, at precisely 12:36 a.m. ( Thanks to my watch ), feet cemented to the floor, anterior to those wings that glimmered at human touch. That night took me by a storm with that weird yet mind-boggling ‘something yet undefined’.

~Pragya Sachdeva

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Cut Yourself A Break

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Isn’t it surprising how sometimes life just hits you so hard and pushes you in the storm. You fall and you swirl. You can’t see anything anymore and nothing really makes sense. It’s all a chaos, a pandemonium. You’re so shaken up that you lose all your strength to make decisions. It’s weird, you think. The capability in you to love, to trust seems to have just vanished. The bubbles around you start bursting. You feel dependent. So helpless you are that you start clinging on things that never mattered or whose existence doesn’t really make any difference in your life. You feel forever lost. People say it’ll heal but it’s tagging too long. You can’t bear it anymore. You decide, no, you aren’t able to decide, you just sit there feeling it’s pointless, senseless. Confusion takes over you. If you’re going to die some day then what’s the point? None! You think. Somehow the blind faith in hope is still lingering there inside of you, somewhere, because losing all hope would be knowing that it’s all over but you don’t want that. You aren’t able to dare to think that because you want it all to change. The innocence in you still believes that you can be happy.

Yes, believe me, no matter how long it takes, change is inevitable, those days will see their sunset for eternity does not exist. Days can never be perennial. And they’ll be the days you’ll be enumerating on, your struggle on how it made you stronger, how it made you who you are today. Those days are just one chapter in the book of your magical adventures. And there’ll be many more. That’ll be what you’ll remember because they built you. Don’t ask God “why me?” Rather “why not me?” Because trust me, they make you better, smarter, more human and in any case, we’re all going to die then why not learn a few things before hand. Once it’s over, don’t let yourself have a chance to regret. I know these answers won’t satisfy you considering what you’re going through but with time you’ll know. Life is all about self-discovery. You’re beautiful now.

~Pragya Sachdeva

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What’s The Point? Think.

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What’s the point of becoming skilled and good looking to make people like you, which obviously will be temporary!
What’s the point of becoming popular, when you still can’t find happiness. Everybody is going to die eventually.
How do we take this life for granted? Everything around us is an illusion except the true feelings for someone. As in a friend who will stand by you no matter what! Or maybe a sibling who supports you no matter how much you have hurt them. One thing I’ll really make clear is that once you’ve lost a person, the first thing you will miss about them would be the things that irritated you about them earlier. So stop getting annoyed by the small things. “Value and respect the people you have now before you lose them forever.” Think, for a second, you’re on your death bed, everybody will be some day! What will make you happy? Knowing that you have helped people and loved or knowing that you always had followers (fake friends) and everyone was scared of you. If it’s the latter then you’re gonna be doomed at that point, trust me. The most wasted life of all.
There are times when we get angry at small things, stop and decide, what’s more important, your relationship with the person or the lifeless things.
Learn to forgive and forget because what’s the point of keeping that fire inside of you (( unless you’re a cook) JK). Let it out and let your soul be happy.
Understand, life’s Too short for hatred and anger. The noise of the traffic pinches you but for a moment, think, you’re in the shoes of a person who just got treated and is able to hear after years, that noise will be music to your ears.
“Beauty lies in everything if you have the power to see it.”
Maybe you’re sitting in a car not of your choice, you want a better one. But, have you ever thought, a person who can’t walk travels in a car and wants to escape it from the core of his heart. He wants to walk, no matter how great the automobile is.
These little lifeless things don’t really mean anything at all.
It’s us who gives those things the value that someone who matters deserves.
So be happy with what you got and if you want more then what’s stopping you. Go get it because you have the capability to do anything!


~Pragya Sachdeva

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Life In A Jeans

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Everyone has a different perspective. Well, today I’ll be sharing my perspective with you.
Have you ever thought of jeans? You have to fit in them, not necessarily they fit you, well that also depends on the size. But when jeans are made in a factory or wherever! Your name wasn’t written on it that this particular jeans would be your property. Was it? No!
You chose those pair of jeans out of your peace of mind
Likely, you have chosen your life. You fit in it. You have made your life the way it is.
When you wear your jeans with whichever frequency you like, you’re working through it.
You learn how to bring it up your waist and then tie the belt. So, this suggests that you learn how to bring up your life to a higher level, and with that I mean higher in happiness and all the positivity.
When you’re making use of the same jeans, it becomes rough. When we are living that life daily, we are making ourselves worthy of living or shall I say, good enough to live this life. You are getting tougher and tougher each day.
Look back at yourselves, maybe two years back, right now you just got out of a crisis, does it give you a feeling of being experienced? Would you be able to help someone else in this kind of situation sometime later? The anwer is yes!
You might not have been able to face this two years back but now you were strong enough to deal with this problem and jump out of the hole of misery. And even get better at facing other adversities because you just passed a level. And that’s what I call moving on!
You may feel at times that his life is better than mine, why do I only need to face the problems and get tougher?
Well, at that time, tell yourself that what is life without challenges just like salad without salt. And then if your brain questions you out of sarcasm, “Why not others have a wonderful life like mine, that’s partiality towards this species.”
Answer it : God isn’t unfair to his children. Colour exists in everyone’s life except for the fact that the timing is different because you woke up early and they woke up late.
And when they get caught in the web of hazards, Mr. experienced would be standing there knowing how to create a scissor right at the spot. Because you can win it in a minute!
And if they don’t require your opinion or your help, then you’re even least concerned.
It means maybe someone else who woke up earlier or at the same time as yours is destined to assist that person, if not that, then it means they themselves are meant to detect the recipe for inventing the scissors.
And why so much concern over that poor being, now let’s get back to the topic which is far left behind.
So, do jeans cover you? Yes, they cover our legs. So basically jeans provide you with protection, then it must mean that life provides you perfection too. Well, obviously!
Life has equiped you with everything and when I say this I mean it.
You might think that others are given more than you, but now I ask you you to switch on your eyes and swim a little deeper to take a look around in the ocean, some fishes might be prettier but the others swim faster. Some might be both but some would be bigger, and some might even have the former and latter but the others are too good to pay heed at someone else’e life when they have their own to deal with.
So, I’m guessing I made myself pretty clear this time; crystal clear.
When we apply this logic to human life, I’d say that we all are equal, not because of some country laws but from us ourselves. You might be good in sports, the others might be good in literature. some might be good in both but some might be good in science.We’re actually quite fortunate that we have so many streams to choose from today.
Some might be way more skilled than you and that person may be your best friend too but then again, life isn’t only about comparison. You will always get what you deserve and you deserve the best of best. So, give time some time. Patience has its own sweet fruits.


~Pragya Sachdeva

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Lost Traveller

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In the midst of the night, the traveller loses his way. He’s lost in the sands of time and will never be able to catch up again. The absence of light, giving birth to darkness, will it allow him to see the hand reaching towards him and yet so far. For now, he’s blind to see that he’s not really blind. Shutting his eyes, tears rolling down his face. O! Why is he so blind? O! Why is he so blind!

The light has left the last hair, his weight leading him further in the ocean. Maybe, it’s the the right thing. Maybe, now he’ll know the pain. But for what has he to deserve the fate he never pursued.
I now know why, for what he has desired never came into the realm of existence. For him, it remained a seed inside his heart on which it never poured.
It’s high time now traveller. I hope you open your eyes for there’s always a chance, the slightest possibility for the world of life of you to ever change it’s course.
I hope you open your eyes now traveller, before the clock strikes twelve and it’s forever too late.

~Pragya Sachdeva

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Naked

A fertile creature, she slept on the earth

Naked she walked, on her the ants crawled

A little tickle, a little pinch still did not manage to make her cringe

The scorching heat continued to roast her soul

 

No rain could wash away her pain

Under no shade of tree was she ever lulled to sleep

The flames on her skin, they too danced with the wind

Still, her aching limbs continued grinding

 

A man once left alone in the wild on his own

Had lost his mind and nearly died

In the dark and cold with no ray of hope

A survivor she continued to keep her sane

 

The house of amphibians now reflected back a monster petrifying than the wild sea

Inside whom there once lived an innocence, now a source of unleashed tears

The concrete barriers too, after the thunderstorm fight the gravity to stay

The monster continued encompassing the dark

 

The rumbling clouds kept screaming looked down upon her

She, she kept on shrieking from every turn

The shadows, they kept on overbearing, made the perceptions all blur

The white shining door continued luring her

 

So where do we go from here

To describe her one uses metaphors

There once was light on her doorstep too

Once when she had a home in the diverse hue

 

Then, she hoped that the sun will rise again

Then, she believed that the cocoon will merge into a butterfly

Then, she cared for all she knew

Then, she loved even the greetings of the dark

 

One when begins to pray they didn’t know what they did

Her knowledge became a must

When awakening became alarming

Her quest continued before it shall turn to dust

 

Because into oblivion ends every wake

Along with the personas she fakes

Enroute where self-doubt turned into self-harm

Could she now continue shielding from cold keeping still warm?

 

From mythical to steadily non-fiction

Just a human like an animal handled with restrictions

Red were her lips and eyes searching solace

The sky still disapproved her relentless disgrace

 

Bliss now she mocks

Once soft so melted

Now is solid as a rock

Perished in mediocrity are her last breaths; still breathing may they one day rest

 

I swear I looked into those eyes and knew they could never be mine

For I was a watcher not a player

Swore without I, she shan’t ever be happy and kind

Sincerely, I, her mind

Love Proves to be Mediocre.

​As we sat on the porch, our eyes dilated by the wind and the sea beside, with the sun reflecting on our faces, everything else started to fade away. 

The ears could only hear the splashing of the the waves as they kissed the sand and slow harmony which came from our hearts along with the silent but loud beating. 

It’s wondrous, the people we meet at the most strangest of places. The people who come unexpected, uncalled for and yet fulfill every craving that ever resided in our lives. Among the few treasured memories of my life, I remembered this one the most clearly as if belonging to yesterday. 

I knew nothing about him and didn’t have any urge to. All I knew was in that moment, I could see through his soul and he into mine. Needless for words to be uttered, he lifted his arm and slowly traced his finger grabbing my bangs pushing them behind my ear making me tickle. And as if casually he held my face in the cup of his hand, tilted his head and moved towards me. His lips on mine, and I could feel him trace on me, belong to me and the loneliness that I had forever felt vanished. It was intimate even though intimacy was all I had ever run from, this time it grabbed me and for once, I was not the one to control. I let my thoughts and my mind rest and savour the joy. 

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Alone We Stand, Alone We Die.

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As I look around myself, my eyes take a stop and I find myself looking at or perhaps contemplating a girl. She must be in her twenties. With shades of maroon, caramel and brown her head is covered. What a perfect scene for a picture. A candid portrait so professional, I think. Tracing the image in my own mind. Sunlight dangling on her face and locks of hair floating in the air along with the stuttering feather earrings she wore. I take out my camera and set it in a way that she doesn’t notice and when I’m about to click, it doesn’t fit. Something has changed. Something doesn’t look appropriate anymore. After analysis, I drop on a conclusion. It is the other people that surround her. When I looked at her, I only gazed at her as if the perimeter around her consisted of none other. The other people coming inside the frame ruined it.

A person shines on his own not when he is supported by a bunch others. The other, no matter how much they assist the one, their shadows will always dawn upon the him when the sun come up, the time for him to shine will be stolen by the other assisting him for their shadows restrict him from shining.

With this, I concluded, a person is best on his own, he learns always on his own, guidance will always hone the extreme abilities of the one.

A person in himself is to the fullest, the rest for him are a fantasy that we create today and always have.

What Do You Really Want?

Today, I was asked what I want in life. It put me into deep thinking and into another world. What do I want in life? Never in my  life had I ever wanted anything so precise with all my heart. It was just the little materialistic things which didn’t hold a place in my heart, for which I felt a want just because the society, the majority considered it wanted, the exclusive. But I couldn’t care less. It was all show.
Then I wandered a place so quiet you only hear the hum of the birds or the buzzing of the bee. A place where there were indeed no expectations, no responsibilities, no competitions against your own breed. Where there is no tension, no stress, no worries for who is looking the best. A little offering that sways you from the track that you have to mount everyday without question. A time when you don’t have to question anything and do exactly that you feel to. A silence of this ever wondering mind and a full stop to figuring out what to say, what to do, how to behave and how to be you. Warm tea in the morning when the sun rays kiss your skin and cold cream when it waves you good-bye with a hope of another day. A joy and ecstasy, all offered but not in this chaos. No beliefs, just you and your little world. Solitude. Peace. Serving the needy until your end gulps you. This is what this world, or rather life wouldn’t let me have. Maybe because the judgements would crush me, the loneliness would eat me up. Because what is beauty without love, love without sacrifice and sacrifice without hunger. And, I realized, what I want is to die young.

~Pragya Sachdeva

Placed In The Dark

In this era, we all are running towards our aspired goals and we often forget to stop and just look at the world moving, empathize for others and hold on for a second to help another struggling soul. We are running for our development and why shouldn’t we? But in the way, during our lone struggles, we start expecting others to work in accordance to us. We expect them to understand us. We expect them to be our equals.

Each human is a unique soul and in no way can anyone be completely complied with the other. Think for a second, there is a person close to you. You must know what they require and then desire. Do those requirements and desires go along with yours? Do they perfectly align with yours? No, they most probably don’t. They maybe even conflict your own necessities. And while we gullibly thought those other humans, they are supposed to be for us, those entities were for themselves.

Whilst everyone worked for their own, there were these tiny people who didn’t acclaim the knowledge of what was to be done. They were immature, emotionally unstable, wandering off in the dark unaware of the consequences that could be dawned upon them. This was our turn to guide when we were guided at a point once. This was the time to return the favors casted on us. But irony and satire finds its way in everything, doesn’t it? We, the lone strugglers could lend a hand but instead what do we do? We expected them to work in accordance to us. We expected them to understand us. We expected them to be our equals.

Those tiny creatures who didn’t know what was to be done believed what was told. They came to realize, after all, they are to reach the expectations of those above us, of those that came before us. This realization was mistaken beyond what was wrong. This realization turned out to be erroneous. But these darlings didn’t see that.

Without a map they travelled the space. No one told them, space was boundless. They fell upon stars, swam through hurdles and fought asteroids. They sailed via meteors and got burned upon coming in contact with their own home. And what one deduced from that was seemingly very effortless.

Getting to know they had to rival for others and not for themselves, they set off trying to reach those accomplishments because they didn’t know they had the freedom for their own. With a non-existent manual they kept on trying. They failed and got up again. They reached heights and crashed. Why? That was because those routes, those paths weren’t built for them. They were someone else’s who not deliberately but unintentionally extracted their potentials along the line. There came a point where their dartboards had no more space for another dart. At this crux of the scenario, they collapsed, felt lonely and couldn’t comprehend a thing. They started asking themselves questions to which no one had the answers to. They were lost. The goal they had been working for their entire lives was not their own. What does one believe at that crucial time? At this phase we could help them out and return the favors that were casted upon us but, “No” we said. We continued expecting them to work in accordance to us. We continued expecting them to understand us. We continued expecting them to be our equals.

Those little darlings were the seedlings; those little darlings were one like me, a naïve child.  

~Pragya Sachdeva

In The Rain

The rain grew stronger and the clouds passed by, There in a shadow, I saw a man cry. As I approached him to ask the reason why? He sealed his lips and would only deny. That moment I knew, another victim of lost soul. Another victim to shattered hopes. The time too hard for him to cope. And a life too short for him to grow. As I saw, the aura around him, started turning dim. And before he could be swallowed by the grim, My hand, unknowingly reached out for him. He heaved a little sigh, and breathed a little breath. This little fellow had been put through a test. He stood up and struggled again, To not be himself but to be one of the best. Those glimmering eyes had virtually experienced death. ~Pragya Sachdeva

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